bad week this week stress wise, food wise. Lots of overeating and mild bingeing. I went to an OA meeting today. Nice people and good to be around people with the same issues but didn't help one iota in terms of making me want to.practice other coping mechanisms or stop.eating. In fact, i am planning to eat a lot.tonigt and maybe stuff myself silly later. Why? I am angry that I'm in this situation. I'm pissed that i have to deal with my dads illness and his feeling horrible this week. My mom is driving me crazy. I hate them both for being skinny and for not wanting to eat all the time. I'm pissed i was never taught good stress relief and coping skills. I'm tired of being fat and i want to be skinny, thin, fit and envied by others again. I hate being lumpy and frumpy. And having to feel.constrained in My clothes. Clothes that used to hang off me. I'm angry at my sister for.leaving . If she hadn't or had just said she was going home we would have rented that dumb apartment that now i have to deal.with, live in and fight with the landlord about. Fuck her, she can deal with it when she gets back. I'll just do a her and leave. I don't want to go bad to.work though, i can't stand the thought of going back to that dumb job and the asshole people who run the company. What is the point? They aren't making My life better or easier or saving the oceans or my dad. They' re just trying to sell more phones and tablets and half baked tech that doesn't work and embarrasssess me in front of my family and friends. (like the lame typos in this post!!) I'm tired of being a fat loser who cant sto.eating even though i know its whats making me fat. So there it is. I'm unraveling....but I can't admit that to my parents or.friends. I'm supposed.to.be the strong one, the good one. What a load.of bullshit. This is all bullshit. I hate who I am right now.
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