The scale this morning was a horror story... 2 lbs gained since my last weigh in. I guess my late night nut butter binges finally caught up to me. I feel fat, bloated and sad. I'm supposed to go to lunch with my yoga teacher and I don't want to go because she's thin and in control of her eating, no doubt. I'm tired and want to just go back to bed and sleep away all my problems. I want to eat more and get even fatter so I can really be disgusted with myself. I'm feeling helpless in my life, with my disease, with my dad, etc...
I hate my lack of will power right now - I guess I just want soothe myself more than I want to be thin. But I hate being fat and I hate feeling like I have no good self care routines so I need work on this. Practice, like everything else I do...
Sigh.
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