I pretty much have just given in to my desires to overeat the last few nights. It's a fait accompli. Like tonight. Out of sync with my parents, stressed about the apt and spending too much time worrying about the apartment, not spending enough time with my mom and dad, not asking my dad the questions I should be asking him, or telling him the things I should be telling him, worrying about my sister flying off the handle and doing something rash.... I was destined to eat too much when I came back up to the apartment (which still smells so perfumey!!!)
Fruit smoothie, chocolate bars, rice cake and mactella. I'm embarrassed that I've already eaten the jar of mactella that "Santa" gave me. No one know about the chocolate bars, but I do.
I'd wanted to take that chocolate and mactella home, now I'm telling myself I'm not allowed to bring anything home. Much like I'm trying to not to buy binge-territory foods at the grocery store anymore. I managed to not buy ice cream at the grocery store tonight. That was a win.
I want something sweet and fat and toothsome for dessert every night, but I can't control myself. I want to eat, I want to feel too full. I just don't want to gain weight, and I am. So I have to stop. I have to figure out how to conquer this ED/OA/food addiction.
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