Feeling like a failure

I feel like I've done "everything" wrong since I've been here. Haven't had the deep and meaningful conversations I'm supposed to with my dad. Haven't gotten all the business done (seeing where my mom will live, getting papers signed, getting my dad into hospice). Haven't figured out how to account for time away from work this month and haven't filed any paperwork for FMLA, even though I have all the papers signed. Didn't start working out with my personal trainer in Nov/Dec so I could jettison my gym membership at 24 hr Fitness at the end of the year, and now I'm trying to cram in 5 sessions before the end of the month so I can cancel. Didn't start going to OA meetings early enough. Didn't realize Ai Pono was across the street so I could get help for my CE/BE issues. Haven't done anything to document my time here like put together a photo album for my dad, write a blog, etc.

My friend with ED thinks I need to go back into treatment and that makes me feel like a huge failure. I was supposed to be her inspiration (as the strong, older, successful woman) and now she's telling me my problems are so severe that I need more help. And maybe I do. But I don't want to take time away from my parents. I don't want to have to leave work again. I want to solve this on my own, dammit.

I'm also feeling like a failure around the whole apartment thing. I'm scared to email the landlord, and I'm scared to talk to my sister about it. I don't want to engage my father on the topic because he doesn't need the stress. But from beginning until now, I feel like I made a bunch of missteps that have landed us in this situation. Part of me wants to tell my sister she has to deal with it, much like she makes us deal with stuff. But since I'm on the lease, I don't think that will fly. But, really, if she's so gung ho, she should be on point. I just think she'd screw things up more because she's so aggressive.

I know I'm not really a failure, that "everything" isn't wrong, but I do have this nagging feeling that I'm not doing things right, that I should be doing things better. And it makes me sad, angry, frustrated...