Trying something new

It doesn't seem like my attempts to not binge are going that well... Clothes getting tighter... Exercise need ramping up. ED voice loud. But I am trying to be nice to myself, not be so negative in my head. I'm hoping it will make something change inside of me but it's hard. The knee jerk reaction is to say mean things to myself, to beat myself up. I feel mental anguish when my physicality feels bad...clothes too tight, plodding along on a run.... And the voice says that I'm a failure, that I should punish myself. I know I am punishing myself with food by I also have to admit I like eating. At some point I'll hate being fat more. Until then I'll try this being kind to myself thing to see if it makes any difference.