Mom Anxiety

Being around my mom gives me major food stress. She doesn't eat much, is super skinny and is very passive aggressive about cooking. I hate that she is so slow about serving herself, and that barely eats and that she doesn't even sit all the way on the chair, as if she's ready to bolt off any minute. She either cooks waaaaay too much food or so cooks so little that she seems to imply what portions I should be eating. I lost it the night she cooked two small steaks and one baked potato for three people to eat.

I'm angry at her because she is so thin, and it reminds me that I am super pudgy right now.
I'm mad at the world because her memory sucks and she frustrates me and my dad with her forgetfulness.
I'm sad because she can't express how she feels about my dad's illness and the loss she is going to suffer when he dies.
I'm frustrated by her seeming to judge what I do and how I do it.

And most of all I'm pissed at myself for letting all of this cause me anxiety that makes me eat. I'm trying to let it go, be kind to myself and be ok with being overweight for right now. Someday I'll get a handle on this, I'll learn how to express my own emotions, not stuff them down with food. Until then, I'm trying to remind myself to be patient with her, and with my feelings. I hope they subside.