My dad got home from his procedure, in pain and kind of down. They put in the stents but didn't remove the nephrostomy tubes, he's wearing Depends and peeing blood. He's queasy but wants to take pain meds and I'm worried it will make him sick. I'm so phobic about barfing that I just want to run away right now. I'm horrible about taking care of people. I've never liked being around sick people and I'm not very compassionate when it comes to this stuff.
I had a terrible stomach ache all day and finally decided I should eat something, so I had a bowl of leftovers... and then another... and another. I knew I shouldn't be doing it, but I did anyway. And now my mom wants to cook dinner soon. Ugh. I guess I don't have to eat it, but I'm having a thing about clearing out the fridge of all the crap in there so we have room for Christmas food.
I'm worried that my dad is going to feel crappy all through Christmas and this will be the first Christmas that's kind of depressing because he feels yucky and it's going to be his last Christmas (most likely). It's not the Christmas memories I want to have.
But I'm trying to let it go and try not to control everything. The food will be the food, the presents are the presents I have and we'll just have to roll with the punches as they come. Our poor family is going through so much (Dad's cancer, Mom's memory, Alexandra's physical and mental issues, Mike's mom's cancer/sister's a-hole husband/brother's GF might have a brain tumor, Peanut is having health issues and might have to be put to sleep), and it feels like this holiday is just going to be hard.
I know I shouldn't take it out of food. But that's my thing. :p
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