Both with eating and writing.
After my "too much lunch" I did "too much dinner" and then I bought ice cream at the store when I had to go pick up ginger ale and saltines for my dad. I ate the whole pint. Oh well.
Having a hard time watching my dad suffer. I'm worried he'll get really sick from the pain meds (like he said happened last time) and that I'll have to help clean up. Phobia alert, can't deal, ack, ugh, urg. I'm going to be sad and disappointed if Christmas sucks because he can't get out of bed or feels awful. I don't want this to be my last memory of holidays with him.
We went to a service at their church last night called Blue Christmas which is for people who have had losses in their lives that make the holidays tough for them. I felt out of place with candle lighting and memory tags because I haven't really had that much loss in my life yet. I saved the tag for next year, and lit the candle in affirmation of hope that our family will make it through this hard time with grace.
I feel kind of sick right now. Maybe that stuffed feeling is probably masking my real pain... blah blah blah. I willingly ate what I ate tonight, and while ED is beating me up in my head, I'm also sort of ok with it. And it's not like I'm going to go eat everything else in the fridge or freezer tonight. And that's a step in the right direction.
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