Of course...

Of course I didn't live up to my promise.

I ate a little too much at breakfast, after a disappointing practice swim for my race Monday (I'll be lucky if I can finish it).

I ate too many mac nuts as an afternoon snack.

I had several helpings of dinner. It was tasty. Something was gnawing at me though and all I wanted to do was stuff myself. I sort of restrained myself but not totally.

I ate chocolate after dinner, when I really wanted ice cream or something else.

And I ended up hoovering trail mix late at night. Why? tired...stressed out...frustrated...

I'm struggling with my balance of being more flexible about food but trying to honor my needs. I don't trust my mother to cook for me - she gets some things about my food sensitivities but not others. And it's not like I'm a saint (e.g., I ate chips last night that probably had corn products in them) but I don't like to eat things I don't have to if I don't want to. E.g, my mom wants steak for dinner tomorrow, I want chicken because it's easier to digest. When I acquiesce and ask how it will be prepared she pulls out a bunch of ingredients I don't want to eat (Lawry's Garlic salt, Worcestershire sauce) but thinks it's all ok because she's going to use gluten-free soy sauce. Which, btw, she has to announce every time she talks about cooking for me.

I hate having to eat out here because it's a constant battle with the clueless servers, and my dad saying "but I checked and they said they have gluten-free options" and my mom asking me what I can eat. And then underneath it all, I really don't want to eat the boring salad - I want plate lunch and shave ice and a lava flow and caramacs and coconut cake and, and, and...

So of course, it's no wonder I'm having coping issues.

But could someone please help me with some coping skills so I don't do this grazing bullshit anymore? Ugh.