Can't stop

I just can't stop the compulsions... it's so frustrating. Nighttime is especially bad.
Most days I get through the day without stuffing my face, then it's a free-for-all.
I guess I should think more about why that happens.

I'm supposed to call people when these feelings hit, but I don't like doing that.
I'm bad about writing first, processing my feelings, and then deciding what to do.
I feel like even if I did that, I'd still choose to eat.

I want to be thin, but I want to eat.
I want to eat what I want, but I can't because it makes me feel icky.
I want to go back to eating only "super clean" foods so I can see if my body is happier.

I feel weird right now and I don't know why.
I guess I should just go to bed, like I tell myself every night.
Sleeping is the only time I don't obsess over food.  :(

Ok, off to bed now. I hope.