I've been having trouble sleeping... getting to sleep, staying asleep. Tonight I was exhausted and proud of myself for getting into bed after only some mild overeating for dessert and then I woke up at 2:00 and couldn't go back to sleep. My stomach hurts (gluten?) and I have to pee a million times (corn?) and somehow I decided that eating sunbutter and sunbutter bars would help me? How, why?
I'm going to end up taking a Xanax (not an Ambien since that will lead to even more eating) and I hope that will put me out.
I'm trying to cut myself some slack because this is such a hard time but I constantly think about food, my fat, and my desire to stop using food to cope. I think I'm doing a little better, but clearly not doing that well. I keep circling back to the fantasy about losing weight through this but really I need it to teach me how to cope without eating otherwise, I'm doomed to not fit into any of my clothes, to hate how I look in photos, and to being at a weight that makes me feel uncomfortable physically and mentally.
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