I'm living in a fantasy world that somehow this time in my life will help me solve all my compulsive eating problems, will make me lose weight, will help me figure out what to do about my job, my living situation, etc. Really it will still just be life. And it will be hard when my father dies. And I don't really know how I will react. So I just hope I can be nice to myself and to others in my life. And that I don't balloon up like a huge porker because I don't know how to express my emotions (I wish I could with my dad), I don't know how to do good self care (ok, I have gone running and napped, but I'm flailing in some other areas) and I don't know what I want my life to be going forward.
It's easy to think about life as I wish it could be but the reality is that's not how it will be... and I have to accept that and move on, just like I have to accept my father's cancer, my mother's dementia, my sister's depression, and my own issues with food (physical and mental). I like escaping to a fantasy world, but in the long run I can't live there....
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