FOB

I'm in full on binge mode right now. I should've sat down to write 45 minutes ago but I didn't. But even with PB and spoon in hand I'm doing it now.


Why am I eating? What are the feelings I'm stuffing down?


Felt fat and self conscious all day
Was snippy with a coworker
Late to meetings
Feeling dumb and inadequate at meetings
Thinking the person who works for me is better at my job than I am and I should just quit and give it to her
Wanting to exercise but feeling obligated to spend time with my friend who came from out of town
Buying candy for kids I don't even know makes me mad
Tired
Stupid tight squeezing my fat legs
Feeling dumb at my boss's house, especially when someone asked me "how old are your kids"
Eating food there that made me feel yucky
Being pissed at my sister for bailing on the event we had scheduled tonight with our friend
Having to send back the food I ordered because it came laden with eggs
Being cold all night
Compulsively eating the pumpkin bar I bought earlier even though I'd already eaten too much today and had two packs of gummy bears after getting home
Drawing what was supposed to be a soothing bath but I ended up putting too much cold water in so it was lukewarm
Knowing I was going to go on a grazing binge and not wanting to stop it
Feeling tired and defeated by food
Not knowing when in the hell this will ever stop
Knowing the scale will be even higher tomorrow.


:(