Why are so many of my friends now skinnier than I am. It's driving me crazy. I hate being the pudgy one. It irritates me to see them. It irritates me to know they can stop eating when I can't. It irritates me that I size them up every time I see them and have flashes of anger towards them. I irritates me when they tell me how I look good, because I bet they are gloating that they are now the skinny ones. I long for the days when I was all muscle, lean and athletic. I don't care about having boobs, I don't want to be curvy. I want to be a stick like they all are.
If I didn't like to work out so much, I'd stop swimming and going to barre and yoga because I hate looking at myself in my bathing suit and yoga clothes, with the pudge rolling out everywhere. But it makes me happy to move, and if I have to avert my eyes from the mirror, then so be it. But it still bugs me to remember what I used to look like.
The worst and stupidest part is that it just makes me want to eat more. Makes no sense at all.
But someday I'll be skinny again. I just have to figure out how to get there.
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