Another banner night of eating peanut butter and chocolate. Woo hoo! It's been a stressful weekend - not enough time, too much to do, ruminating on thoughts about what I'm going to say to the waterproofing guy about the unsatisfactory work they did, and weird conversations with my family. I've felt the anxiety rising, sometimes crying, sometimes not, trying to reach out to people but spending a lot of time in my head.
I told a friend that I guess I didn't know how to process my feelings because I'm still being lame and eating all the time. Usually at night after the day has wound down and I'm sitting in front of the computer or the TV. Naturally some of it is the stress of what's going on with my family, and now that stupid basement project that I thought I should put off but convinced myself to go ahead with... Sigh. I think it's also work... I don't want to go. It's hard and time consuming (12 hour days again) and I don't get much reward for it. But I must get something because I don't get out of it.
So now here I am after midnight feeling sick and annoyed with myself and wondering how sucky it's going to be to go back to HNL where things are tough with my dad and my mom, and the dynamic of me and my sister being together is challenging.
I hope the eating disorder clinic there calls me back. I need some help with this feelings crap.
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