so depressed

another morning of waking feeling like I'm falling in a hole. Bad binge last night, realities hitting me like a ton of bricks, the voices in my head telling me what a loser I am. I've had a headache since Friday and its still not gone. My mind and body are angry at me. I want to go back to bed but my insane needs to weigh myself and go workout I overriding that. I hope yoga makes me feel better. I hope I can practice letting go of this negative mindset. And I hope I can conjure the will to be kinder to myself, including not eating the whole house every night. So sad that my life is like this. I should be happy that I get to work from Hawaii but since I fucked up the apartment thing, I'm not. I should be happy that I'm away from the fray at work, but it just makes me feel isolated and expendable. I should be happy I get to Han out with my parents but I don't fee as useful to them now that I'm working. I should just be happier and I'm not, as evidenced by the voices and the food issues. I am afraid to use the mood stabilizer but this sucks too. I want to be able to do this by myself. But maybe I cant. Maybe I need help. I just wish the universe would help me. I dont understand why I cant find a place to live.... Why I eat so much... Why I'm so depressed right now.