I went out to a friend's birthday gathering tonight, and I found myself in the space I often find myself in - having angst about food, eating to much, and then continuing to eat when I get home. I don't know what stresses me out about this - wait, yes, I do... I don't like having to think about everything I'm eating or asking what's in it all or feeling like I can't eat exactly what I want. I also know I have to be careful not to drink too much because I'm a lightweight and things can get out of control.
Speaking of out of control, today was not a good food day: too much coffee, flailed on my decision to not eat nuts for two weeks (almond milk, almonds in macaroon), bought food I didn't need, ate a Cinnabon (calories AND will provoke food sensitivities - although it actually made me feel better right after eating it), didn't stick to a good meal plan, ate compulsively at the tapas bar, had a few bowls of cereal and a piece of toast when I got home even though I wasn't hungry, ate because I was tired, etc, etc.
I'm triggered by my skinny friends (who I used to be skinnier than), my protruding belly, looking fat in photos, and on and on.
I want to just stay in bed tomorrow but I won't.
But I do think I need more sleep. 4.5 hrs a night doesn't cut it when you don't want cortisol flooding through your body and when you need to make better decisions about food.
No comments:
Post a Comment