Agita

I had massive stress this morning for no particular reason. At least not a big reason "point in time" reason.

I'm stressed because) I feel massively unprepared for my job every day, because I'm not leading my career (just reacting to it), and I don't really love what I do. I love the idea of it, but in practice I'm not loving every day. I don't love work in general, I guess. I wish I were more passionate about it.

I also have stress because I made a list of "Abstinence" items (no: nuts, coffee, corn, grazing, bingeing or eating due to work stress or being tired) and I wonder if I'll be able to do this for the next two weeks, especially as I'm traveling to Florida next week and will be tired.

Speaking of tired, I really need to prioritize sleep. I'm exhausted this morning and with the "no coffee" rule, I'm dragging. I think the lack of sleep is causing my weight gain: higher cortisol = belly fat, being tired makes me eat to stay awake, exhaustion makes me less clear headed and more likely to binge.

I keep saying I'm going to do this job the way I want to live my life, and I need to start doing that now.