I switched channels quickly because I knew it would be a trigger (and maybe that's why I ended up eating way too much chocolate that night). This woman is my height and her end weight was 105 - the weight I dropped to and stayed at for so long. Part of me knows that's not a good weight for me. I remember looking at myself in a full-length mirror and crying, thinking, what have I done to myself? I had no boobs, my thighs didn't touch, my butt had fallen off.
But, I hate the way I look now. I want to have that thin, sculpted face again. I'd like to see the muscles in my legs and arms without a layer of fat covering them. I yearn to have my clothes fit, even be loose. I'd like to look like an athlete again.
It's hard to see images like this, to see that someone just won $250K for essentially becoming an anorexic-at least that's what people told me I was. To watch the media turn fat shaming into a national sport, while our food supply is becoming more toxic every day which makes it hard to maintain a *healthy* weight. It's hard for me to balance what my logical mind tells me and what my ED tells me. The attached article said that, "A more constructive message to send young people would center on well-rounded health and the importance of eating well, moving well and sleeping well...that focus needs to be on embracing body-size diversity." I hope I can embrace that for myself someday.
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