My sister is smart. She said instead of flagellating myself when I graze or binge eat that I should write what I liked about the food I ate (or didn't). So here goes for today:
Taro chips: Salty, bready, toothy fat. Yum.
Pan de Crème: a sweetbread bun with ice cream and nutella. All sorts of forbidden foods, but so good. Hot bun, cold sweet ice cream, and chocolately good nutella.
Nutella ice cream: ehn, not really worth it.
See's candy: 2 pieces full of milk and corn syrup but still chocolately and tasty, and a family tradition. My dad loves them and it makes me happy to see him eat them.
Butter flake roll and butter: I bought this for my sister but she hasn't eaten it yet. So I want a piece to sample it. WAY buttery and not so flakey because it's a day old. But the real butter was really good. I like fat. It's soothing to me.
Chocolate chips and pecans: I love the combination of nutty goodness and chocolate. Pecans are slightly sweet, and dark chocolate chips are just a little not sweet. Very yummy together. I like eating them by the fingerfuls. I find the repetitiveness comforting (not sure why, I should probe that). I like feeling full and satisfied.
My sister says I need to figure out why I eat:
- am I upset about my dad?
- do I feel like I have no control?
- do I feel like I have too much responsibility here?
- do I want to go home?
- do I not ever want to go home?
I know I eat when I'M:
- tired
- frustrated
- unhappy
- pissed about my food
She says I need new hobbies that aren't competitive, suggests doing something new once a month, do things that give to other people.
I want to figure out how to feel my feelings and how identify what's really going on. I want to figure out when to feel my feelings vs. when to move on. I want to start being ok with the way I eat, the way I look and what I'm doing with my life.
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