Stop eating?
Stop obsessing about eating?
Own up to the fact that I don't like my job?
Quit?
Stop beating myself up about the above?
I don't know why I think things are going to change if I keep doing the same things over and over again. Isn't that the definition of insanity?
I was so proud of myself for losing weight before my birthday, now I am ashamed of how I look because I've gained it all back. My body is wondering WTF I'm doing and my brain is constantly spinning.
I tried today to be healthy but couldn't say no to the coffee my boss offered to buy me, or to the chips sitting on my counter, or the cookies for that matter. I didn't eat ALL of them, but I'm sure I ate enough to maintain or gain weight.
I thought making all these changes in my life would make me happier and that then I'd lose weight but clearly I'm not doing something right. It seems like all this change hasn't been the magic bullet. Which makes me worry about making bigger changes like getting a new job or quitting Microsoft or moving back to CA or moving to Hawaii (I've been thinking about it a bit).
I hope that I can be normal again. Why can't I just make that happen now?
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