F

Fraud
Fooling myself
Flabby
Fat
Fed up
Food obsessed
Faking it
Fearful
Feel bad
Fucked up
Fucking up
Flat out lazy
Flat out lame
Fully disgusted with my behaviors
Feeling sad about what I've become
Flagellating myself
Freaking out


F... the grade I'm giving myself for how I'm behaving, treating my body, lying to myself and to others, and making progress against so many of my goals.


I'm sorry if I'm letting people down. I'm sad I can't get my shit together. I want to go back to the old me, but I know I can't. I just keep going down the wrong path, keep making choices I know are wrong for me, bad for me, setting me back.


I'm angry and tired and I just want to pull the covers over my head and be alone. I am positive for others, and sometimes myself but even through I feel like I'm telling the truth to others, I feel like I'm lying to myself all the time. I hope those people don't see me and think I'm full of crap. Even though sometimes I feel like I am.


I'm confused and don't know what I want other than to stop thinking about food, to stop abusing food, to get control of my life again.


I don't even want to go to therapy anymore because I feel like it's just me being all talk and no action. I'm sort of embarrassed to go because I'm so stuck, keep going backwards when there's any movement at all.


I just want to stuff everything down with food. That's my real F-word.


F.


P.S. A good F-word this weekend... fuzz therapy.