I can make myself tough it out for a hard workout, I can make myself finish a hard ocean swim race, I can make myself get up to go workout (ok, not all of the time). But I can't get myself to stop eating too much or stuff I'm not supposed to eat. I don't understand why.
I keep vacillating between "it's ok" and "for god's sake stop already". I try to give myself compassion but I hate the way I look and how my clothes (don't) fit. I am envious of super thin and fit people, but I keep poking food in my piehole.
It makes no sense.
Oh, and now I'm sick. First time in over a year, I think. Not good timing. I have a tough week of work coming up, I'm flying a bunch Th/Fr and I'm doing the Bay to Breakers next weekend. I get that my body is trying to tell me something. I just don't want to hear it. I don't have time to slow down, sleep more or rest. My dad is dying, my mom is going batty, work is heating up and I need to be present to help and be a stable force.
Ok, off to cook dinner. I'm not even hungry but I'm sure I'll eat anyway. :(
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