Bad Dream

I keep hoping I'll wake up and this will all have been a bad dream. The last two years, my ED, being too skinny, feeling too fat, taking this job that feels like it's ruined my life. I'm so angry at myself for having made all these changes in my life that have taken me down bad paths. No wonder I'm so change averse.

I can't believe I took this job when I had another opportunity available that would have been so much better for me. But I listened to the voices (in my head and other people's) that said I should strive for more, that this was such a great opportunity, that this would get me off my butt and unstuck. All it's done is made me miserable.

I'm looking for a way out. Right now the options don't seem great though. Maybe I'll just have a real mid-life crisis and quit.

But I'm sure I'd hate that too.

I really don't know what to do. I feel powerless.

Oh, right, I'm supposed write a high each time I write. I guess for today it's having lunch with my former creative director. He's cool.